There is something very mystical about the beach. Behind me was the domain of man; the orderliness of concrete and steel, the removal of the seasons, the freedom from the harshness of nature, the place where no demons are left to dwell. In front of me was the ocean; the domain of nature, the raw unfettered wildness of life without human values, the place where the demons of the unknown, both real and imagined, roam without restraint.
People love going to the beach because it is a chance to flirt with the dangers of nature while still in the protective custody of civilization. You can wade out into the murky waters until your foot touches something sharp or slimy or soft and then run back to the safety of the shore. You can lie on a raft daring the demons of the darkness to nibble at your fingers or toes as you dangle them in the water. If you get too scared, you can always paddle hurriedly back to the safety of the sand. You can ponder the vastness of the ocean with it infinite mysteries and then retreat to the comfort and security of your hotel room were everything is safe and predictable. It is an opportunity to renew yourself by challenging nature from a safe distance and returning to the predictability of your life as the victor.
The dangers are real enough. Some people get off easy with painful sunburns or chaffed thighs from sand in their trunks. Others swim too close to the jetty and have to be taken to the hospital. Some even drown. There are stories of shark attacks that happen often enough to keep the danger alive.
Occasionally somebody falls asleep on a raft. The waves are hypnotic. The distant sounds of the seagulls are a lullaby. The gentle rocking of the ocean can lull you to sleep just like the sameness in your life can lull you to sleep. And when you fall asleep on the raft (or in your life) you are vulnerable to the mysteries and the wildness that you do not and cannot understand.
The air was suddenly much cooler. A person was coming toward me from the surf. It was as though he had journeyed up from his home deep beneath the waves to pay me a visit. He had on a mask. It looked like a cheap costume party mask and I wondered how he kept from drowning with that mask on. On his T-shirt was the name 'Cybermasque' in 3D letters. Below the name was a take off on the Marine Corps. slogan. It said, "Be all that you cannot be with Veracity. " As he approached me, he pulled the mask straight up off his head. It was Haggerty.
In a voice that seemed to echo he said, "there are things you don't know."
I was going to protest but his face began to melt and through the melted face I could see my father's face emerge. "There are LOTS of things you don't know," he said.
I was trying to figure out how Haggerty turned into my father when the face melted again. This time it was Shorty. He offered those huge powerful hands in a pleading gesture and said, "Find your place, boy. You've got to find your place!" I wanted to respond, but the face melted again.
It was Patience. She had her hands on her hips and looked angry with me. "We can't find our place until you do." She said with incrimination. Her face blurred. It became Sherry, then Smitty, finally Angel looking very judgmental.
I wanted to ask why I was getting all the blame. It wasn't my fault. It was things that other people had done. But before I could say anything, the face melted again, and this time it was Julie Fantod. She offered her hand to me and said "Taddy, just take my hand and everything will be O.K."
"But there are things I don't know." I protested. "And I haven't found my place."
"Taddy, please take my hand," she begged, stamping her foot, "Take it and everything will be O.K."
I wanted to reach out and take her hand. I wanted it more than anything I had ever wanted in my life. But I couldn't. I couldn't move. I was frozen. I was so very cold inside that I was shivering convulsively. Julie stood there with her hand out. I was shivering so hard that I couldn't raise my hand to take it. I called on all my powers of mental concentration to raise my arm so that I could take her hand. But it was no use. I was shivering so hard that I woke myself up.
It was dark. The tide had come in and the cold Atlantic waters had covered my feet up to my ankles. The temperature had dropped nearly thirty degrees and I was convulsing with shivers in my sleeveless T-shirt. I got up, and shook myself, trying at once to shake off the cold and the eerie after effects of the nightmare. I grabbed my chair and headed for the light and security of my hotel room. Man, does that special horseradish sauce make you dream!