That summer we were inseparable. Julie signed up for summer school classes and we studied at the library together in the afternoon. My condominium in University Plaza was about an hour away by bus, and we made several trips over the course of the summer to decorate it. Uncle Earl said that it was cheaper to stay in the condo while I was in college than to pay for a dormitory room. He also said some things about tax shelters and amortization that I didn’t completely follow. Julie made sure that the towels, shower curtain, and drapes all matched. I didn’t really think that this was appropriate for a bachelor pad at the university, but it made her happy so it made me happy.
The last night of summer we went for a walk around the lake. I was hoping that she would make my last night in town a memorable one but it just wasn’t in the cards. I didn’t really care. All I ever wanted was just to be near her. We lay on the terrace by the edge of the lake looking up into the starry night sky. When you are young and in love you like looking at the night sky because the vastness of the universe is the only thing that compares with the vastness of your longing. The full moon shown down on her face and I debated whether or not I should try to kiss her. She smiled at me and I didn’t want to do anything to dampen that smile. So I just looked at her.
"Julie. I’m going to be leaving town tomorrow morning. For reasons that I don’t want to go into, I probably won’t ever come back. But I don’t want to leave without you. I want you to be my steady. When you graduate, you can come to college and you can stay with me at University Plaza."
She didn’t answer. She just stared off at the moon.
"I have matching towels and drapes." I teased, as though I were raising the ante.
After a long silence she said, "I can’t Taddy. I wish I could. But I can’t."
"Why can’t you?" asked torn between frustration and anger.
"Don’t ask, Taddy. It’s just too complicated," she said kissing me lightly on the cheek.
There was that ‘complicated’ thing, again. My mood had damped significantly. We walked back across the lake, but the moment was lost. When we got back to the house she grabbed my hand and held me from going inside.
"Don’t be angry, Taddy." She said, pleading with those beautiful sapphire blue eyes.
I didn’t want to be angry, but I couldn’t help it. I figured changing the subject might be a good idea.
"I’ve got to get over to my parents’ house. Uncle Earl is going to sell it when I leave and he asked me to go through it once more and make sure that I have everything that I want from it. My bus is leaving at 6 o’clock tomorrow morning and I’ve got to get this done so I can get some sleep."
"Do you want me to go over there with you?"
I did but I said no. In fact, I wanted her to go with me everywhere for the rest of my life. And I wanted that more anything else in the world, but her rejection stung me and I was still hurting. Complicated? What the hell could possibly be all that complicated?
I stepped into the hot, damp night air and the humidity clung to me like the sins of my father.