Recently I reviewed XXX 2: State of the Union for your fine publication. However, I was disappointed in your decision to edit two of the most important lines.
First, you changed "I bet the deleted scenes are just her giving ice cube a nutwash while he plays nintendo" to "I bet the deleted scenes are women baking apple pie while ice cube plays nintendo". Hows about I give you a nutwash then bake you an apple pie, and you can decide if the two are really interchangable.
Second, you failed to include, "I couldn't even cross my legs because my ovaries descended watching ice cube stage a sweet prison break". I consulted a Hatchet insider who informed me that, "no one wants to hear about ovaries descending". I haven't gotten the results back yet from the Gallup poll I commissioned, but the focus group I conducted confirmed my suspicions: people do want to read about ovaries descending.
Once again, thank you for letting me see XXX 2: State of the Union for free, or at least for the small price of my integrity as a writer and a human being.
Love,
Emily Axford